My Life Yesterday

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  • I wonder: if I were 20 years younger with a super tight body, would my poop tweets be more popular? Yes! NATURALLY!! 00:31:39
  • Awesome: @deliats making me cheesy noodles, singing "pour some capers on me! I'm tiny, salty & green! From my head to my KNEES!" 22:09:31
  • The things you do & find HILARIOUS in your forties! #old #def 22:13:28

My Life Yesterday

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My Life Yesterday

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My Life Yesterday

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  • Just had a huge orgasm. Like Clive Owen was my brother jacking off in my pussy. 01:50:21
  • It's a melancholy but peaceful thing, doing my ethical duty to talk young women out of being exploited by me. 12:14:02
  • (and wondering why I feel less of an obligation to do so as thoroughly with guys) 12:14:49
  • @molly_silver LOVE your hot role-playing! in reply to molly_silver 18:10:20
  • Mwahahaha, @TousledElegance ! I rub my hands together in greedy delight at your lovely offer! in reply to TousledElegance 18:46:46
  • RT @LightningAllie: Check out my creepy voyeur camera skills. @deliats and @tastytrixie with a cameo by my voice 🙂 http://t.co/OynP66qeej … 19:02:48
  • So weary of again recognizing that all I am is my mom & dad, trying not to be the worst of my mom & dad. And still just being my mom & dad. 22:08:55
  • Also: epitomizing everything that infuriated my mom & dad about each other. What can I do but surrender to imperfect love of them & myself? 22:12:56
  • Oh, wow . . . and George Jones is dead on top of it? Man, my dad would've scoffed at my mom for being sad about that one. 22:16:40

My Life Yesterday

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  • Finally wrote back to adorable 19yo spinner. Like, "are you SURE you're into letting a dirty old man with boobs take your pictures?" 10:16:31
  • Another springtime sunshiney outdoor nudie today: http://t.co/xaWcLU54Bn Loving the weather! 14:27:48
  • Going to avoid Twitter & FB in order to avoid Project Runway spoilers. This is ok because I'm still having headache probs. #EarlyNight 20:47:44
  • Man alive, it feels SO GOOD to release an enormous heavy long turd before bed. Hallelujah! My bowels do rejoice in primitive song!! 22:10:57

My Life Yesterday

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  • Self-shot nudie pic of the day taken on my walk today: http://t.co/kEScs4vh6v 14:02:06
  • Oh! It seems I have an appointment with a headache that I've been fortunate enough to reschedule for over a week . . . Until now. 14:31:12
  • In my life as a cupcake, my frosting color is always in contrast to my inner cake flavor. This tweet is my lame way of saying goodnight. 23:40:10

My Life Yesterday

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  • Really, neighbor? Starting up with chainsaws & giant woodchipper at 8 am?? For nothing life-threatening or road-blocking?? 08:39:44

My Life Yesterday

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My Life Yesterday

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My Life Yesterday

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