• Exhausted. Having an anxiety attack. Rocking back & forth. I thought mid-life crises were supposed to he funny. 03:09:10
  • Oh right. This IS funny. Just not to me.

    OMG my pubes are turning grey. I don't want to die alone. LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL ad insanitisum. 03:11:24

  • Oh my god please help me!

    …and by "god" I mean "hitachi magic wand", of course. 03:37:32

  • Does an "nn" preceding someone's name on a dating site stand for "never-nude"? 03:41:23
  • You should be fined a thousand dollars every time your Mercedes, BMW, Range Rover, etc. car alarm goes off on the ferry. Fucking fuckheads. 11:47:11
  • RT @juliastockings: I'm also available this afternoon for one on one webcam – http://t.co/AfSBe3F47y http://t.co/qrzceCyjxx 13:23:40
  • There's a HUGE difference between an account used to PROCESS payments & a personal account where you deposit earnings & pay bills. NOT SAME. 14:33:22
  • Niiiiice & content after sweaty fuck with @DeliaTS … here are some camera phone pics: http://t.co/tOmhGbodhC 23:47:14