• …but then I discovered that he has a perfect dick! Take that, Ryan Adams! 01:16:12
  • In our town, *I* am the insensitive lout on her phone too much. Poor guy, me tweeting these things when he goes pee. 01:19:00
  • So glad he's warming up his car to go now, though. I need to be alone. I can't blow someone's mind ALL NIGHT LONG. #SorePussy 01:21:50
  • Fuck yeah, Lisa Vanderpump. I've had you on pause too long tonight. 01:31:41
  • Now in regret / guilt mode.

    The only cure for it: MEATBALLS. 02:16:17

  • Our town.
    It is so small.
    What did I do that for.
    When is my mid-life crisis going to be over.
    Why do I feel so dead inside. 03:17:10
  • (just kidding about that last line … I'm just tweeting for drama, not TOTAL honesty … it was irresistible; sorry) 03:18:47
  • Ugh. Just remembered I left our car downtown. Going to have to take a long walk on sore legs. 10:32:24
  • It definitely will be, @trubluedave – trying to muster up energy for this reverse walk of shame / responsible not-drunk-driving consequence. in reply to trubluedave 12:09:56
  • Masturbating with my leg & butt muscles clenched is not helping my already super-sore thighs, hips, & gluts. But I like to come, so fuck it. 16:42:09